Why Us?

OK, so I was ranting to myself never planning on posting anything and accidently posted the title somehow. I guess it was ment to be. I have just been pretty upset lately about our situation. Steve and I went away for a long weekend just the 2 of us. It was really nice to get away. Of couse things still have to happen to us. Like a guard post coming down on our car as we are driving under it, oh and of course the fishing accident. This time it was Steve's pole that got caught on a rock. He was waving it with all his might and it came loose and the lead sinker caught him in the face to the tune of 3 stitches to the forehead. Don't worry, I took pictures and it was really quite funny at the time.
The part that is really getting me down is my health.I felt it was selfish to post about it since I have had a lot this year, but I got a lot of responses from people wanting to know if I was OK. I guess I should say I'm not, but I'm trying to be. On July 3rd my back was stiff so before I got in the shower I stretched my arms up and felt and heard this "pop". I thought WOW that one really hurt. I stood there for a minute (till I could breathe again), and decided that I would take an extra hot shower to try to get the muscle to loosen up. It didn't. I had to leave my parents house early on the 4th because of the pain and the fact that I didn't sleep well the night before. On Saturday Steve took me to the urgent care clinic (I'm surprised they don't know us on a 1st name basis). They said that I might have a spinal injury and gave me a shot of steriods and pain killers. I was told if I wasn't better by Monday to go see my Dr.. Monday rolls around...HUGE headache , neck ache and back ache and no range of motion at all. My Mom drives me and the girls to the Dr. they schedule an MRI. Got the MRI results the first day we were home from our relaxing vacation get away (also the day I took steve to the urgent care for his stitches). They tell me that I have protrusions that are in contact with my spinal cord and are the cause of the numbness in my hands and fingers during the day. I have to start PT again and get epidural injections in my spine. I just did this with Steve a couple months ago. I can't say much (legal reasons), but I really thought that I was done with all this junk. This year has completly sucked!!! I'm sorry there is just not a better word for it. I finally had a breakdown today and cried. I couldn't control it. I had to lock myself in my room so that the girls wouldn't know. Of course they found me and then I felt aweful. Steve called his Mom to talk to me (I was on my way to pick up my mom for chorus). It started all over again. I guess I just needed a day to cry. I feel better (after almost throwing up and a huge headache), stayed home from chorus and am ready to start a new day. I know that I can handle any thing this world can throw at me with God and Steve by my side. Its just been alot lately.
While I'm at it I might as well tell you that I have been having trouble getting all my charts at work. I called them and they are working on a soulution. Something like a database didn't go online yet so there are too many people working on the databases that I code and there are not enough charts for me when I can get online. Hopefully this will be fixed soon because my paycheck is the one that is paying all the "extra" medical bills lately. With Steve's PT, spinal injections, sleep studies, MRI's, bronchitis, Pneumonia, and random stitches and my PT, MRI, ER room, injections, Dr.'s , etc... I can't afford not to have my good old relaible paycheck. You know, the one that was planned to go to a savings account? UGGHHHH!!! There was also some screw up on the airfare for Competition this fall and our flight was cancelled. Luckily My Mom took care of all of that for us.

All of our friends have been great. It is really hard to have someone understand what we are going thru when we can't tell everything. I know this time in my life will pass and I will look back on it and see how strong we were, but it just doesn't feel like it right now. Right now I just feel like I'm failing at everything and still trying to "tread water". I haven't even gotten the girls pictures taken yet this year. They turned a year older in Feb. and April and I have yet to get thier photos done. We wanted a family one done this year too, but all that has beeen on the back burner as "extras" that we can't afford. Oh well! At least I have a good camera to capture them for right now and when things settle down I will get them professionally done.

I have to end with this: I am SO thankful that my kids are healthy, happy, smart and can make me laugh even on a bad day like today. I am blessed with my best friend and soul mate in Steve. He really picked me up after the accident like no one else could have and understood me and told me that my feelings were valid because they were my feeings. I'm thankful for my whole family and friends that have been there for me even when I couldn't tell them the whole story or what my needs were. It was Cindy's post about Jason that caught my heart today. I would love to tell everyone my full story, and someday I will be able to. It's just hard right now because I can't so it's hard for my friends to know what we are going thru. Thanks to all those that responded to my crazy title just to make sure that I was OK. I would not have gone thru this post if it wasn't for you. Just knowing that you are there caring and praying for me means the world. you will never know how deeply you touched my heart today, and for that I thank you! Keep praying without ceasing. God knows the way for us and he is in the lead and sole control of our lives. May He bless each of you today!